Kofi’s wife is addicted to smoking marijuana and sniffing cocaine and he wants to know how he should manage the situation, as well as what he can do to help his wife overcome the habit.
“When I met her, she was a sweet, humble, loving woman and we had some great times. However, after we got married, she fell into bad company and started taking drugs. I know there is help for spouses of addicts to help them relate to their spouses in ways that can help them to make a positive change in their better-halves. I would appreciate it if I could get some tips to help me deal with the situation because I still love her and I don’t want to divorce her,” Kofi says, with a sad look on his face.
And there is help for spouses of addicts as Kofi indicated. In this article, I want to give you some of that help to help you cope if your wife is taking drugs.
So, what are some of the things you can do?
1. Remind Yourself Of Your Wedding Vows
Recall the vows you made when you tied the knot and the promises you made to each other to love one another in sickness and in health. Write what you can remember of the vows in your diary or journal and read them often to yourself. It will increase the likelihood that you will be committed to helping your spouse overcome her habit: you are likely to feel a sense of obligation and that can increase the chances that you will support and encourage your spouse to make choices that will help her to beat the habit.
2. Avoid Criticizing Your Spouse Too Often
Do not grumble and complain about the behavior of your wife or else she may get depressed. Consequently, she may have an excuse to indulge in the habit and so her situation may get worse. Additionally, avoid acting as though you are holy and she is a “dirty” person. Doing that will hurt her feelings and she may seek solace in taking drugs to drown her emotional pain, and that will make it difficult for you to convince her to seek professional help.
Rather, give your spouse emotional support and make her feel that you are a friend. It will make her feel loved and she may consider what she is doing to the marriage, and the ways she is messing up her life, and that can instigate her to reconsider her habit, which may be the turning point in her life: she may make a decision to do something about her addiction and that may increase the likelihood that she may seriously consider seeing a therapist.
Furthermore, supporting your wife and letting her know that despite her addiction you still love her, cherish her, and want the best for her will help her to overcome the shame she may be feeling as a result of what the habit may be doing to her. Consequently, she will start sharing fears and worries with you and that will give you an opportunity to make her realize how bad her habit is affecting your relationship, and the need to see a professional.
3. Let Your Spouse Know That She Can Always Talk To You
Make your spouse understand that whenever she feels worried about her addiction, or when she needs someone to talk to, or when she feels afraid, she can always turn to you because you will listen. It will help to prevent a situation where she may turn to friends she takes drugs with, or friends who influenced her to start the habit in the first place and who will give her bad advice that can help to perpetuate the habit. When she knows you will listen and not judge her, she will come to you often and as she feels that the emotional connection is still there, chances are that you can convince her to seek help.
4. Do Not Give Her Unsolicited Advice
Do your best to avoid lecturing her or preaching to her about her habit. When you do that, she may feel that you are judging her and that can help to breed resentment in her heart because she may feel that you think you are better than her. So, she may not connect with you so that you can influence her to stop the habit: she may start to distance herself emotionally and she may spend more time with the people who influence her to take the drugs.
5. Remain Calm When You Are Talking To Her
You can become charged with negative emotions sometimes when you are communicating with your wife because she may say things under the influence of the drugs that will anger you. However, avoid shouting or screaming at her when she annoys you or when she tries to start an argument. To help you do that, remind yourself of the times when she was great to you, when she showed a lot of love to you and made you happy, and it will make you have empathy for her.
6. Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
There are several benefits you can get when you work on your emotional intelligence, including the fact that it will help you empathize better with your wife. Consequently, you will avoid behaviors that will trigger fights, your wife will feel more comfortable to relate to you, and that can increase the likelihood that she will listen to you when you advice her to go to a rehab center.
7. Let Her Spend Company With Women Who Have Also Kicked The Habit
Invite women who have also been addicted to drugs before , but who have successfully kicked the habit, and who are now living happy, fruitful lives, to your house often so that they can establish a friendship with your wife.
When they share their stories with your wife and let her see that taking drugs messes someone up, and
when they share how their lives have been transformed since they stopped taking drugs, and how they are enjoying life now, it is likely to make an impression on your wife and she may seriously reconsider what she is doing to herself.
In this article about help for spouses of drugs addicts, I have given you tips that can help you to relate well to your wife so that you can get her to change her behavior. Run with these tips and you are likely to see positive changes in the life of your wife, as well as in the marriage.
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