Coping With a Relationship Break Up: Release Your Pain, Don’t Keep It Inside
A man was so disturbed after breaking up with his girlfriend that when he left her place and got to the bus station, he joined a bus going to the west of a city whilst he lived in the east of the city!
Breaking up with your lover can be a traumatic experience which, if you don’t handle well, can cause you a lot of trouble and confusion. So many questions may come to your mind. Could I have avoided this? Would she have left if I treated her well?
Coping with a relationship break up requires you to develop coping skills and strategies to help you survive.
I want to share with you some of the coping strategies you can use to help you sail through the rough storm.
Coping Strategies for Relationship Break Up
Below, I outline 13 coping skills for relationship break up, and how to use them.
1. Write Sympathy Words to Yourself
Write a letter of sympathy to yourself. Imagine you have lost someone very dear to you to the icy hands of death, and are writing a letter to that person’s relative to console him or her.
- Write the letter with all the emotion and feeling you can muster; put your heart into it.
- After you have written it, read it over and over again until you are satisfied that you have come to terms with your emotions and are ready to move on. Then throw it in the waste paper basket, or the thrash-bin.
- After, psychologically see yourself as separating yourself from those painful emotions, and parting with the hurt of the break up forever.
This act will cleanse your mind of the bad memories, and inspire you to want to breath fresh ideas and plans into your mind and your life.
This is one way of coping with a relationship break up loss.
2. Get A Pet
A break up with your girlfriend will obviously make you unhappy, and you will need to find ways to make yourself happy, which will help you to heal any emotional wounds fast so that you can get on with your life.
One superb way of coping after a relationship break up to make yourself happy is to get a pet. In July 2011, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who have dogs say their pets increase their self-esteem.
The animal will help you to regain your sense of belonging and meaning, and help you to overcome the feeling of rejection which you experienced when your girlfriend broke up with you.
Dogs and cats are pets which are easy to come by, and you can easily get a dog or cat to keep you company.
If you can get a parrot, it will also help you a lot. A parrot will mimic you, and say some of the words you say, unlike a dog or cat; it may say something funny which it heard, or which you said, and that will make you laugh and forget your troubles; hearing the funny tweeting of a parrot will give you memorable moments which will encourage you not to lose hope.
You can also decide to get rabbits, if you live in a place where you can keep them. Rabbits can do all sorts of antics, especially early in the morning, or when you want to feed them, and this will make you laugh and reduce your stress.
3. Write Good Things Down
Another strategy you can use in coping with a serious relationship break up is to assess your self-worth.
You need to affirm your self-worth, to regain your self-confidence so that the past does not imprison you and make you feel worthless. One good way to do this is to remind yourself of all the great things about you.
Here is how you should go about it:
- Choose a day on which you can have time alone to yourself.
- Sit down at a table with a writing pad and pen.
- Meditate and ruminate about all the good things you see about yourself.
- Write them down.
- Think about all the good things you have heard people say about you; pen them down.
- Think about all the good things you have done for people; write them down.
Acknowledge these qualities, and let them make you know, and feel that you are a person of worth.
THEN THINK TO YOURSELF THAT IF SHE HAS LEFT YOU, IT IS HER LOSS, NOT YOUR LOSS.
Exercising will release feel good chemicals into your system and make you feel relaxed, and contribute to coping with a long term relationship break up. It will cause you to have a stable emotional state, not to be so unstable and emotionally unbalanced, so that you focus on your work, make money, and enter a relationship with another lady, for do not forget that the woman who left is not the only woman you can have a relationship with.
Here are some exercise suggestions:
- Lie flat on a mat on the floor.
- Raise your body up from your waist, while at the same time raising your legs, keeping your knees stiff and locked.
- When your hands touch your shin, lower both sections of your body slowly back to the floor.
- Repeat this exercise 20 times.
- Stand erect, legs slightly apart.
- Keeping your knees locked and straight, bend forward and touch your fingertips to the floor.
- Repeat the exercise, this time touching your palms to the floor.
- Repeat this exercise 50 times.
You will feel great and confident, and ready to face the world and take on new challenges, and possibly enter a new relationship with time.
There are certain foods which will help you to beat the low feelings that accompany a man when he breaks up a love relationship, and help you in your attempts at coping with a relationship break up.
Some of these foods are:
Nuts—Nuts are rich sources of certain acids which support the proper functioning of the brain and help a person to defeat the feelings of being down which a person can experience.
There are various kinds of nuts you can eat:
Eat a lot of nuts. In addition, let your diet contain adequate amounts of mushrooms, dark green vegetables, pears, tomatoes and onions and you will feel you are able to cope with the situation.
6. Release Your Pain
A smart way of coping with a long-term relationship beak up is to let go of your emotional pain. There is a great temptation to close everybody out and make your disappointment your ‘‘friend’’—that is to withdraw into yourself and shut everybody out. That will not help you. Instead, talk. Find people to talk to. Talking can be a helpful release. It is important that you do not restrain yourself and let the pain build up on the inside of you. You need to let it loose by speaking. Talking to someone you trust who has also broken up with a woman before, and who will listen, for example a close companion who will listen patiently and sympathetically, can bring relief to your heart.
Putting your experiences and feelings into words often makes it easier to understand them and to deal with them. And if the person you are talking to has also gone through what you are going through, you may be able to learn some practical suggestions on how you can cope.
If you are not comfortable talking to someone, express yourself in writing. Write down how you are feeling on a sheet of paper and later read over what you have written. It will give you helpful release. Communicating your feelings can help you to release your grief.
7. Deal With Anger
If you feel angry with her, you must know that it is a normal reaction; you are hurt, and the emotional pain is expressing itself in anger. When you are aware of your anger, you can then manage it and prevent it from destroying you, and destroying your relationship with the people who care about you.
When thoughts of revenge and hatred for her crowd into your mind, ask yourself what you will gain if you are angry with her. Will it put money in your pocket? Will it help you to pay your bills?
See the anger in its proper light: it is a liability which you must get rid of. You will not gain anything if you continue to be angry with her.
See the anger as a liability because it can cause you to become afflicted with diseases; doctors tell us that when a person gets angry, his or her blood pressure rises, and also that people are more likely to suffer heart attacks when they get angry often.
So, do not give in to anger—kill your anger.
8. Use Colors
Colors can help you in coping after a relationship break up. There are two colors that can affect your mood, and therefore your emotions, and make you feel more at ease and willing to focus on the rest of your life, .
Green is one color you should consider. Green soothes pain (that is why nurses normally wear green) and is associated with optimism. When you see green things a lot, it will make you more upbeat, and influence you to forget about the failed relationship, and generally feel positive about your future and your life.
The color green will also make you feel happy, clean, and fresh—which is what you need when you are coping with a break up of a long-term relationship.
Therefore, make sure you see a lot of green things:
- Wear green- colored clothes for the period immediately following the break up until you can feel you are over her and ready to move on.
- In your leisure time, go and stand in a field or park. Stand still and just stare at the green leaves of the trees.
- Go into a farm and gaze at the leaves of the crops.
Blue is another color that can help you when you are coping with a relationship break up. The color blue reduces blood pressure, calms a person down, and gives a sense of security.
- You can decide to wear a blue shirt under your suit when you are going to the office, or to wear a blue suit.
9. Move On
It is very challenging when you beak up with a woman you may have loved. Sometimes you don’t want to move on because you do not understand why you broke up. But working through the pain will put you in a position to move on. You will also be able to reflect on valuable lessons learned while you were in the relationship. The memories may be the vehicle that may help you to go forward.
Resolve to keep living. Determine to move on so that you can still enjoy life. Do not let one woman rob you of continuing to enjoy the birds singing, or the beauty of the sun, or the glory of the stars, or take for granted the love of those who still love you.
Don’t let her departure hold you back from living. Don’t let it dominate you. Mourn and grieve, and then make the best of the life that is ahead of you.
10. Do Something Encouraging for Others
Whenever you do something to alleviate the suffering of another person, your spirit is lifted up and you feel happy about yourself.
Here are a few kind things you can do for people:
- Show kindness to poor people you meet on your way to work, or when you are coming back from work.
- Visit the elderly and just spend time talking to some of them—some of them are lonely and need companionship.
- Send gifts to orphans.
- Offer a hand of help to physically challenged people you meet.
- Send a text message or an email to someone who is suffering or going through hard times.
- Visit a widow and give her words of encouragement.
All these things will lift your spirit and give you spiritual rejuvenation, which is bound to translate into physical energy to help you with coping with the breakup of a relationship.
11. Use Humor
Using humor will help you a lot in coping with the breakup of a long term relationship. Turn your mind to jokes you have heard before, or to a comedy movie you have watched in the past, or to something funny you have seen before; it will make you laugh and forget about her.
Laughing will lighten up your whole system, make you feel that you may be overreacting to the situation, and even make you feel positively pre-disposed to the woman.
Therefore, try to recall funny things to your mind, and laugh.
12. Use Progressive Thinking
Progressive thinking is to tune your mind to the future, to focus your thoughts on what you want to happen to you in the days ahead, and to mobilize all your thoughts in that direction.
The way to do this is to think about all the good prospects that may be in store for you in your work, or a dream house you want to buy, or the car you have plans of acquiring, or your dream to travel around the world and meet exciting people, and see beautiful, exotic places.
It will give you a concentrated focus on your life, and make you forget about the girl.
Do not go around wishing things had been different, and saying things like, “Maybe if I had treated her right , or had approached her the proper way, she would not have left.” Focus on the future. Don’t be so concerned about why you broke up.
13. Look to Jehovah
The Bible says, ‘‘Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you’’ (Psalm 55v22). God holds the whole world in His hands. He can hold you and carry you through your period of grief if you will ask Him to in prayer. ‘‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds’’ (Psalm 147v3). God will comfort you and sustain you through the sorrow if you will ask Him to. He will give you peace of mind, and strengthen your heart so that you will have courage to face tomorrow.
So, involve Jehovah in the situation. He wants you to look to Him in your time of disappointment. Jehovah can contribute to your emotional well-being, and help you in coping up with a relationship break up.
Coping with a relationship break up can be tough, but if you handle the situation well, you can get on with your life, approach another woman, and make her fall in love with you, and make sure you treat her well. All is not lost, so don’t lose hope.